I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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