I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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