new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
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I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
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We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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