How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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