i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
