Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
