She's JV to your varsity
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
