dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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