Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
