we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
