i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
