I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
