i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
