fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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