I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I need to align my fucking chakras
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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