I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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