After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
