I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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