i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
