my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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