He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
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