There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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