i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
