then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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