All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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