He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
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and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
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You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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