My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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