My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
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You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
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We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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