You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
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