No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
