just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
