Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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