this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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