Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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