At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
