Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
