i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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