those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
