i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
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Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
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He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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