I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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