the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
