I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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