if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
