I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
