dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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