Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
