I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
