32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
