after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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