your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
