I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You dont lie about slip and slides
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
