You made me cry and you don't even care
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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