so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
