Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
