direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
