im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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