Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
