Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
