Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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