i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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