I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
