So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
