She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
the raccoons are back...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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