Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
