It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
