I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
