she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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