I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
